


The Piece of Me I Wish I Didn't Need

by GeckoGirl89



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Angst and Feels, Coma, Community: comment_fic, Episode: s03e11 Birthday, F/M, Ficlet, Introspection, POV Angel (BtVS), Protective Angel, implied major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 11:53:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeckoGirl89/pseuds/GeckoGirl89
Summary: He asks the Conduit a question, but Angel knows exactly what it is, why he's more afraid of Cordelia dying than she is and why her secrecy about the pain she was enduring is pissing him off so much.





	The Piece of Me I Wish I Didn't Need

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt on comment-fic (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/733107.html?thread=96919475#t96919475):  
> Any, Any, _'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need_  
>  Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why  
> If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?  
> If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
> 
> The title is taken from lyrics in the song "Clarity" by Zedd.

He asks the Conduit a question, but Angel knows exactly what it is, why he's more afraid of Cordelia dying than she is and why her secrecy about the pain she was enduring is pissing him off so much.  
  
He used to think he cared about Cordelia so much because she's his friend and coworker. Then he thought it was because he loved her.  
  
But this has gone beyond love. Love is softness and butterflies and acting like a dork, all of which Angel has experienced with Cordelia.  
  
Right now, he feels something more centered in his gut than his heart or his brain. Need is the only word for what he's feeling. Angel feels like a piece of him, just as deep and fundamental as the soul or the demon, has been ripped out ever since she went into her coma.  
  
The Conduit isn't offering up solutions, but Angel will fight them if he must. He will cross all the dimensions in the universe to find her if he has to, and if anything stands in his way, Angel will tear it apart with his bare hands.  
  
Angel's need overcomes all of his logical objections, the part of him warning that anything he feels for Cordelia can only end in tragedy, the way it did with Buffy. It overcomes the part saying that Cordelia would think he lost his mind if she could know what he's been thinking for the past few months.  
  
Because Cordelia has become a beacon of hope shining through the darkness and misery of his long unlife. His thoughts may have taken an unexpected turn recently, but he knows that he couldn't have actually gone insane thanks to the clarity and focus Cordelia brings to his life. Without her, Angel has no doubt that he would rapidly descend into feral madness. He's dangerously close to that edge right now, and he will remain in this state until he sees her open her eyes and has proof that this nightmare is over.  
  
Angel won't lose Cordelia, not today and not ever. He refuses to let her go, and he doesn't give a damn what the Powers have to say about it.


End file.
